Am I Invisible? Nah, that’s just my illness..

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Am I invisible?
Nah, that’s just my illness..

“Definition of invisible. plural invisibles. : an invisible person or thing : someone or something that cannot be seen or perceived.”

I’ve been around but not around at the same time. I’m massively behind with my blog too! So here’s a little update on where i’ve been..

and SHOCK, it’s all down to my abnormal immune system..

For the last 12 months i’ve felt ill on and off, but explaining it was near enough impossible. I went to and from the doctors and GP and was always told i just had low iron levels and that i was anaemic.

About 16 weeks ago enough was enough and there i was, back at the doctors surgery, refusing to see anyone but Dr T. He’s in charge of the entire surgery. My theory was, if he couldn’t work out what was wrong with me, thats it, it was all in my head after all and really it IS just low iron and i’d just need some stronger iron tablets.

My appointment was already 25 minutes late, so in that 25 minutes i was just doubting myself over and over again and worrying if i was wasting the NHS’ time.. Yet deep down I KNEW there was something wrong.. but i couldn’t understand why nobody would listen, or help me.

I got to the point where unless i was with Dan, or going to 2 of the venues we work with, or to work I couldn’t leave the house. I was repeatedly seeking approval on how i looked, if i could leave the house like this, sending photos of outfits to people, or asking my mum repeatedly before i left the house. It got to the point that I knew every single weekend that Dan came to see me, I wouldn’t be 100%, i’d plan stuff and get SO excited to do it, but when it came down to it, I just felt too out of it. I also got to the point where I truly believed he’d be better without me and the anxiety of that was over whelming..

As soon as i was in the car, I was fine but the nervousness, anxiety and irritability was way too much. I was SO tired, yet couldn’t sleep. My legs would go dead, my heart would race and I was just constantly weak.. Yet put me into work, watch me at work and i was fine. I could be around 1000+ people at a time – I just couldn’t be with 2/3, the nerves took over.

When I woke up in the mornings, I wouldn’t have fallen asleep till 5/6am, work or not yet i’d be waking up before my alarm at 8am instead of 9am / 10am.

Was I just over tired? Dehydrated?
Every time I put on some weight and began to look normal, i’d lose it the week after. It wouldn’t be a small amount either, it would be a stone off and off, week by week. I knew this wasn’t healthy… but I was at my wits end.

Finally, it was my appointment time, I went into the GP room and I broke down to the GP, convinced I was crazy. He gave me endless tissues, told me his room was always open and booked me in for blood tests the very next day.

I had my blood tests, they took what I thought was a lot of blood, and I passed out.

I woke up, went to work and pretended everything was normal.

The following day, at 9am I got a phone call back from my Dr and was asked to come to the GP surgery. I hadn’t got in from work until 3am, didn’t sleep till 7 and I was told I wouldn’t get results for a week. Yet, here i am, walking to an emergency appointment the day after, less than 24 hours after..

As I arrived the doctor was there to meet me and we walked straight into his room. He started listing off symptoms and I was verbally ticking them off.. Everything seemed like it was starting to make sense :

  • nervousness, anxiety and irritability.
  • mood swings.
  • difficulty sleeping.
  • persistent tiredness and weakness.
  • sensitivity to heat.
  • swelling in your neck from an enlarged thyroid gland (goitrte)
  • an irregular and/or unusually fast heart rate (palpitations)

Finally – he knew what was wrong with me and again (shock) I broke down in tears. It turns out i wasn’t losing my mind, i wasn’t crazy, there has been something wrong with me!

He diagnosed me with a VERY Over Active Thyroid. He was shocked it had been left this long and tests weren’t done before. He’d also tested my liver levels to check which medication I was okay with. He gave me a prescription and off I went..

He’d booked me into various appoints at the Leicester Royal Infirmary in the Endocrinology department.

Sounding good right?

Nah! 

So far we’re around 3 months in of medication – my medication is being added too every other week and the MG’s i’m on is going up and up..

I’m currently meant to be finally in my appointment next Friday, then we’ll talk about Radiotherapy and Graves disease – I’m crossing my fingers this appointment doesn’t get cancelled too..

I guess the moral of this post is to say, YOU know your body and YOU know when you’re not feeling right. So listen to yourself and push, push, push as much as you can, until you finally get an answer.

I’ve got half my answer and i’m still waiting – I guess i’m happy to know it wasn’t all in my head though.

This isn’t a dig at the NHS either, they’re amazing and they do amazing things, just sometimes things clearly get missed.

Now i’m ready to plan summer with my favourite humans and puppy dog and make the most of it.

Invisible illness’ are just as important as visible ones.. Sometimes they’re just harder to explain.. 

Bees xo 

The Dream Of A Lazy Sunday..

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So! I went out last night. I’m a massive lightweight and after 3 drinks and propping myself up against what i thought was a cupboard (it was actually a freezer) it was time to go home and go to bed..

Waking up this morning my mom thought it would be an amazing idea to spend quality time together which included me taking her to a garden centre and cleaning my car out..

All I wanted to do was lay in bed, plan a new blog and watch way, way, wayyyy too much TV / Netflix.

Everything i’ve watched series wise is always recommended by other people and 9/10 times I really enjoy it! Heres some of my recommendations for a lazy Sunday…

Pretty Little Liars

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Pretty little liars has 7 seasons. The first to third season is REALLY good. You’ll be totally hooked. Then you kinda have to keep watching until it gets really interesting again at season 6. We’re currently on season 7.

Alison goes missing everyone thinks she’s dead, i literally can’t say anything else other than there’s a bad guy called A. We find out who A is, the girls go through SO much drama and hate… and then theres another A, but this is now A.D. Theres 2 episodes left of season 7 when we finally find out who A.D is.

It’s a VERY long process but it’s good and fully worth the watch!

Gossip Girl

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Gossip girl has 6 seasons. First you’ll love Nate and hate Chuck. Then You’ll hate Serena and love Blair. The Love Hate you’ll find yourself having with these characters is insane. Dan is from the lower east side and the others are from the Upper east side.

All their lives are documented on Gossip Girl, which is an online website that also texts and emails out news and gossip about people.

It’s good watch with a lot of heart-break. And before the end you WILL fall in love with Chuck Bass and cry… ALOT.

Riverdale
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I’m currently watching Riverdale on Netflix and I’m on season 1. Theres one more episode of this season but there’s been SO much drama so far.

Jason blossom is missing, he turns up dead. Murders with the serpents, incest families, broken relationships and Coopers Vs Blossoms, FP, Jughead, overprotective parents, guns, bribes and yet loads more. Riverdale is my go to at the moment and there’s new episodes every Friday on Netflix.

Prison Break
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Theres currently 5 seasons of prison break. The first season in my opinion is the best one. It’s hard to keep watching it, and it gets a little boring on season 3-4. It’s a good watch, I think i just like more dramatic stuff..

90210
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90210 has 5 seasons too. It’s a remake of Beverly Hills 90210.

Basically, a tight-knight circle of friends from West Beverly high school have a lot of drama. Someone kills someone, there’s a psycho boyfriend, they graduate, get into music careers, end up skint, some more psychos, confused sexuality,. a fake drowning and ALOT of marriages.

It pulls on heart-strings and takes a while to watch. It doesn’t have any boring bits and is 100% worth the watch.

13 Reasons Why
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So far there’s only 1 season of 13 reasons why, but Netflix has confirmed a new season coming in 2018.

13 Reasons why is about a girl named Hannah baker. She commits suicide and leaves tapes about people and the reason why she did it.

It’s REALLY emotional. Me and my friend Ryan cried repeatedly though this.

I wrote a blog post about it too, the links here – https://pretty66.com/2017/04/11/13-reasons-why-massive-spoiler-alert/ – if you’re sensitive, over emotional or just don’t have time to watch it, take a read instead.

This will break your heart over and over again.. it shows how so many smaller things can add up and make you feel like utter shit, on top of massive things too.

iZombie

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Theres currently 3 seasons of iZombie. At first i wasn’t looking forward to it. The first few episodes were a bit blah. I kept watching and was so glad i did!

Basically Liv is a normal person, goes on a boat party and turns into a zombie.

Her life changes and she turns into a zombie works in a morgue.

She helps the police solve crimes by eating parts of the victims brains… with noodles and hot sauce.

I’m unsure what this is classed as… but I’m gonna go with a comedy.

Orange is the new black

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There is currently 4 seasons of OITNB on Netflix.

It’s good, don’t get me wrong. The first season you get to know all the characters and why they’re in prison. I enjoyed it until half way through the second season, then got kinda bored. I think this is just me though, i found it really like, all the same? Everyone else raves about it though and my brothers girlfriend Alex loves it..

One Tree Hill
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Theres 9 seasons of one tree hill, YEAH 9!

It’s not on Netflix but I’ve got the box sets and re-watch them ALL the time.

In the early seasons it’s all about the relationship between Lucas and Nathan Scott who have the same dad but different moms and are in the same year at school.  They start out as enemies but bond. Lucas gets a place in the School basket ball team with the help of his uncle Keith (their dad’s brother).  Nathan, the captain, hates Lucas, and this becomes the basis of their rivalry. Lucas’s fancies Nathan’s girlfriend Peyton who Nathan treats like dirt (she’s also a massive Emo kid) also strengthens their feud. Peyton’s best friend Brooke tries to date Lucas, and Nathan attempts to date Lucas’s best friend Hayley to get back at him The story of Lucas and Nathan’s father Dan is occasionally explored through flashbacks (he’s a massive bellend).

Throughout the seasons you see school shootings, drama, break-ups, teen marriages & pregnancies. Then there’s a 4 year time jump and they’re all grown up!

There is a psycho nanny who tries to take Jamie (a child), another shooting, deaths, births, you get so attached to certain characters too. it’s amazing!

I 1000% recommend this, you WON’T get bored!

SUITS

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Theres currently 6 seasons of Suits. (7th is coming in July 2017)

Every time I say how much i enjoy Suits everyone gets really shocked. I kinda think this is cause it’s the opposite of something that I’d usually watch.

While running from a drug deal gone wrong, Mike (who has a photographic memory), is a young college-dropout, slips into a job interview with one of New York’s best Law firms and one of the partners is Harvey. Harvey takes a gamble by hiring Mike on the spot after he recognizes his raw talent and photographic memory. Mike and Harvey are a winning team. Even though Mike is a genius, he never went to Harvard. While Harvey may seem like an emotionless dick, Mike’s sympathy and concern for their cases and clients will help remind Harvey why he started and went into law in the first place. Mike’s other allies in the office include the firm’s paralegal Rachel and Harvey’s assistant Donna. Proving to be an irrepressible duo and invaluable to the practice, Mike and Harvey must keep their secret from everyone including managing partner Jessica. Theres also Lewis too, he HATES Harvey.

In Suits you watch them continuously cover up Mike’s secret and a lot of fall out’s and make ups.

Suits is one of my favourites and it’s definitely one to binge watch! You can re watch it over and over again without getting bored too!

So yeah! If any of you need any recommendations to binge watch I recommend the majority of these! – Time to get my stuff ready for work tomorrow and re-watch Riverdale.

Bees xo